đđ˘đđ Read our tips below on how to cope with grief. It's important to grieve- grief doesn't have an expiration date. No matter what the experience was or what caused you to grieve, the healing process to move forward is the first step to embrace.
It's hard to cope with grief. Grief can be caused by death, loss of a job, or any other type of trauma. Grief can feel like you're being pulled underwater, and no matter how much you try to fight it, the more your head is submerged in the dark depths below. You want out, but there isn't an escape route on this journey called life.
There are many ways to cope with grief. It has been a BIG part of my reality the past few weeks. I have had to find solutions to process my emotions and the trauma I have experienced.
"I can't believe he's gone," I said to my sister as we stood in front of the casket, where he was laid perfectly to rest. The image of his frail face and hands are still imprinted in my mind. I still remember the coldness I felt as I touched his hands.
Grief is an intense and overwhelming emotion that can be difficult for people to deal with. No matter how much I wanted him back, he was gone, and nothing I did could bring him back. Grief can be an experience that's hard to navigate on your own.
My dad had always been my rock, ever since my parent's divorce, and he left our family life behind. He'd been there for me every step of the way, even though we lived in separate homes growing up. As I grew older, he would come to visit my children and me, and I would cut his hair for him, and I just couldn't believe that he wasn't coming back. This time he wouldn't be showing up again, and it hurt so much more than anything else I've ever felt before because now he wouldn't be there loving me unconditionally and standing by my side.
I recently lost my father. It has been 15 days, 360 hours, 21,600 minutes, and 1,296,000 seconds since I saw my father take his last breath.
These are some of the ways that I found helped me begin to cope with his death:
1. Allow yourself to feel the pain
A healthy coping mechanism is allowing yourself to feel the pain instead of bottling it up inside. It is not healthy for your well-being to stuff or bottle up your feelings, so implementing ways to release them as you feel the pain helps you in the grieving process. Take a day at a time to process your emotions and give yourself permission to heal.
i.e., make sure you cry when it's time to be sad and move through the pain instead of becoming consumed by negativity or self-pity... causing you to get stuck. It is essential in coping with grief and in dealing with any other loss or trauma that we experience throughout our lives. It helps us heal more quickly and find peace.
Create a memorable tradition: Grief is an emotional process, and in many ways, it can be like moving on from the place you called home for so long. Memorable traditions help us move through this transition period by giving meaning to our actions and having something we do every day that honors those who have passed away with us. Create a tradition that honors the memory of your loved ones by meeting their needs and incorporating a beautiful tradition into it. Connect to the pain and turn it into a positive experience for everyone to remember.
2. Talk about your feelings with friends and family
Sometimes just hearing other people's stories or listening to their advice can help you understand your pain. I found that it was comforting for me when others came over or called me and told me about how they had coped with losing somebody close to them. It was really interesting to hear how different people had dealt with their losses, and I found that just being given a chance to talk about my father's death helped me immensely.
Sometimes it's hard to talk about your feelings with people who might be experiencing the same thing, but many online communities can help you find someone to share your feelings with.
I found support groups (some people use GriefShare) helpful because they allowed me a place where I could express my thoughts and feelings freely without feeling judged. The best part was connecting with other people who understood exactly what it felt like for me- knowing that somebody else had been through something similar made such a difference in easing some of the pain I was going through.
It helped me tremendously when family members told stories about their memories of Dad (or whoever died) or shared certain things he loved doing before he passed away and how he would have wanted us to go on living and moving forward.
I also found it helpful when friends of his told stories about the times they had been with Dad at various places- Knowing that he exists as more than just a memory has helped me to figure out how I want to keep living without feeling guilty or like something is missing from my life because of what happened.
The experiences that impact me are moments such as lighting candles, singing songs, or playing music while focusing on the happy memories we shared so all those good feelings could surround my loved ones (and myself) who are still here.
3. Write down your thoughts in a journal or blog post
It's so important to get your thoughts and feelings down on paper. Writing can also help you process what is happening. If it feels like one of those days when everything feels too tough or overwhelming to deal with, write... write... write. Releasing your emotions and thoughts about trauma and loss is a healthy step in your healing process.
I started writing again. I feel my father's little nudge to finish my book and share my message. Writing is therapeutic for me. It helps me process his death as I grieve and process my emotions and the trauma from the entire experience.
Process your emotions: Write down your emotions in your journal each day. Let it all out. Choose the emotion you feel; angry, sad, scared, guilt, anxious, whatever the emotion you are feeling. Once you release the emotion, replace the thought and the feeling with the opposite as an affirmation and a positive thought about yourself and the circumstance.
i.e., Emotion: I am feeling ___anxious____.
Replace with an afirmation: I am ___peace_____.
Positive thought: I will be strong enough to get through this, and it will work out for the best in the long run. I can't control everything but what I do have power over is my thoughts about myself and how they impact me emotionally at this moment.
Love yourself: Practice self-compassion and love for your emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
i.e., I am sorry you feel this way; it is okay not to be okay right now. You are doing the best you can at this moment."
"You're human...you deserve happiness too!"
"I'm just feeling sad right now because of X reason."
"I'm so proud of myself for getting through these tough times well enough to get through another day."
This must mean I am progressing. And if there's one thing that we know about life - it's constantly changing!"
4. Take time for yourself- go on walks, read books, take naps, etc.
Grieving people need to take time out of their days to do things they enjoy. If you're not trying anything new, it might be a good idea to think about what you used to enjoy doing before the person died and then try some different activities to get your mind off worrying.
The first week after I lost my dad, I stopped watching TV. I would get so lost in it and then feel guilty for not doing anything else, but after a few days of feeling like that, I realized that I had learned something from my dad. He had already taught me an important lesson- there's always time for reading a good book.
It's not always easy to do things that you enjoy. But if there are ways for your loved ones to live on, then they're going to want the best for you and will be happy knowing that life is good again because of them.
5. Find ways to honor the person who died by doing things they loved or making donations in their name
Some people decide to start a Foundation or make donations in their loved one's memory. It can be beneficial to remember that they lived with free will and made choices.
So find ways to honor the person who died by doing things they loved or making donations in their name. You can also do something small and simple, like planting a flower or taking care of the pet's favorite toy- representing what you've learned from them. Grief is hard, and life goes on, so be grateful for what you have and take time to celebrate the good times.
6. Volunteer at an organization that helps people going through similar experiences as you are (elderly care center, hospice)
It can be tempting to do the opposite of what you are feeling - if you're sad, go out and be self-destructive. But it's important to take care of yourself just as much as those around you because otherwise, they'll have one less person there for them when their time comes. Volunteering at a place that helps people going through hard times is a great way to remind yourself that you're not alone and there's always someone who understands you.
Volunteering can help reduce feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, and anxiety. It also enables people to become more resilient by strengthening their sense of self-worth.
7. Be patient with yourself
Grief is a long process, don't expect to have it all figured out in a few months; it may take years. Grief takes time and patience, don't expect it to be figured out instantly. It's important not to compare your journey with others- everyone deals with grief differently, so what might be helpful for one person might feel like an insult to someone else.
Grief is not easy for everyone, and it is crucial to recognize the signs when someone may be experiencing grief or having trouble coping with their loss. It's also important for loved ones to be there and offer support.
What to expect: Grief is often not something you can predict, but there are warning signs before noticeable symptoms show up in some cases. If you notice changes in your usual sleeping patterns or appetite, if you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, if your friend is withdrawn and not talking about their feelings, these are all signs that this person may be grieving.
What to Say: Grief can be incredibly isolating for many people who suffer from it. It's important for loved ones of those with grief issues to understand what they're going through and be willing to listen without judgment.
- "I know this is hard for you, but we're here with you, and I understand if it's too soon."
- "What specifically are your thoughts when the memory of him/her comes up?"
- "Can you tell me about any rituals or traditions that make you want to remember?"
Reach out to those you know who have lost someone or who have experienced trauma. The words you express are appreciated in their healing process more than you think. And if you have lost someone, allow yourself to go through the grieving process.
In conclusion, focus on finding outlets that allow you to express your feelings adequately. In the beginning, it might be helpful if you find a support system for friends and family, but as time goes on, there will always be ways for those experiencing grief to manage their pain.
Process grief by using one or more of these coping methods- they don't erase all that happened, but I feel better equipped to manage my sadness and start living more fully in this new life.
I hope sharing some of what has helped me will help you, too, as you figure out how to deal with your feelings about what's happened. If not for anything else, then at least so we can comfort each other during a difficult time."
Focusing on happy memories helps me remember why it is worth carrying on without him even though he left us abruptly. It reminds me that there are still good times waiting ahead if I am willing to try... and just maybe, my dad would have wanted me to keep living my life for myself.
If you are grieving, there is help available. Don't be afraid to reach out for support, and know that going through this process doesn't just affect one person- the whole family also needs love and care. Grief can feel like quicksand, it is a long process, and you cannot rush to the end.
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